


Alliances

by k0uk3iji_san



Series: KuroKen/BokuAka Roomates [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Cat Ears, Idk how to describe this, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Kuroo & Akaashi are friends out of spite, M/M, Platonic Bokuto/Kenma, Scheming, cat...outfits?, kuroo thinks he some kind of mastermind, no smut tho, platonic kuroaka supremacy!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:00:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28996356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/k0uk3iji_san/pseuds/k0uk3iji_san
Summary: Bokuto and Kenma have been getting closer as friends and Kuroo and Akaashi get jealous, scheming ensues!
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: KuroKen/BokuAka Roomates [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2125383
Comments: 3
Kudos: 72





	Alliances

**Author's Note:**

> there’s like one (1) reference to my last work in this series but this can most definitely be read as a stand alone as well!

Kuroo opened his eyes early in the morning. The sunlight wasn’t pouring through his room windows, since Kenma often complained about it. He simply woke up from ‘the alarm hidden inside him,’ as Kenma put it.

Speaking of which, he squeezed his arms, expecting to hug an armful of Kenma. Instead, it was his pillow.

_ What the hell? It’s 9:00 on a weekend. Where would he have gone this early? _

He rose from his blankets to check if Kenma had gone to the bathroom or something. He walked out into their common area and saw Akaashi making some breakfast. By the looks of it, it was only for him.

_ Akaashi isn’t usually up this early either. _

Akaashi turned around from where he was cooking and spotted Kuroo.

“Oh. Hello, Kuroo-san.”

He nodded in his direction.

“Akaashi.”

They both made their own separate breakfasts without much conversation but eventually Kuroo broke the silence.

“Hey, do you know where Kenma went? Actually, Bo too. He’s usually back from his morning workout by now.”

Akaashi’s face morphed into one of pure irritation.

“They’re  _ hanging out,” _ he gritted.

Kuroo’s mouth hung open for a few seconds.

“What- what do you mean  _ hanging out?” _

“I mean what I just said. I woke up this morning, expecting Bokuto to be there but he said him and Kozume-san were going to be ‘hanging out.’”

_ I can’t believe this. My best bro and my boyfriend are hanging out. Without me?! _

“Well! Why didn’t they think to invite me?!”

“Because you’re a pain in the ass. Why would they invite you? If anything they should’ve invited me. I’m a delight.”

“Hah! Says who?”

Akaashi opened his mouth to respong but Kuroo continued, “And you can’t say Bokuto!” He closed his mouth.

“Whatever. They’ve been doing this a lot lately. Ever since that stupid bet they’ve been all buddy-buddy. You haven’t noticed?”

“Well now that you mention it… I did ask Bo to hang out a few times but he said he had plans with Kenma. I just thought he misspoke. Or knew another Kenma.”

“You really  _ are _ stupid.”

“I’m not stupid, you’re stupid!”

“Shut up.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice it sooner though. Me and Kenma haven’t had our weekly movie dates in a while.”

“Me and Bokuto-san haven’t cooked together in weeks either.”

“Kenma’s been coming home later.”

“Yeah. And Bokuto-san hasn’t given me a massage since he said his hands were tired.”

“I haven’t gotten fucked in  _ weeks!” _

Akaashi stopped talking and stared at Kuroo with a disgusted look.

_ “What?!” _

“You’re awful.”

_ “You’re  _ awful!”

Then Akaashi’s mouth tilted up into a small smirk.

“Did you just admit that you bottom?”

“Er- sometimes!”

Akaashi stared at him, waiting.

“Okay, almost always! But don’t act like you don’t either!”

“I will not confirm or deny that.”

“I don’t need your confirmation, I can _hear_ you.”

At that moment, Kenma and Bokuto walked in, both holding bags. It looked like they had gone grocery shopping — something they usually did with their significant others.

They were also both laughing like something absolutely  _ hilarious  _ had just been said. They kept talking about some nonsense that happened with a teacher they both had until Kuroo cleared his throat loudly.

“Oh ‘Kaashi! You’re awake, good morning!” Bokuto exclaimed like  _ nothing  _ wrong — and technically nothing was, but Akaashi was a petty bastard. 

Kenma walked over to the counter to place his bags down.

“Morning, Kuro,” Kenma said softly.

Akaashi and Kuroo exchanged a look, then turned, scoffed at their lovers, and stomped into their rooms, slamming the doors simultaneously.

After about thirty minutes when neither of their boyfriends came to check on them, they both peeked their heads out of their rooms.

They glanced into the living room, then back at each other. Bokuto and Kenma were sitting on the couch, eating what looked like take out and  _ watching a movie  _ together.

Kuroo quickly waved his hand at Akaashi, signaling him to enter his room.

He crossed the short distance between their rooms and Kuroo closed the door behind him.

They stared at each other for a solid ten seconds, in shock, before yelling.

“What the  _ hell?!” _

“What do they think they’re doing!”

“It’s ridiculous!”

“Disgusting!”

“It’s revolting!”

“Absolutely abysmal!”

_ “Unbelievable!” _

_ “Disgraceful!” _

“Kaash, we need to do something about this.”

“Obviously you idiot!”

“Don’t  _ insult  _ me! I’m suffering just as much as you!”

“Right. We- we need a plan.”

“Okay, we just have to hang out like they are! Kenma will  _ no doubt  _ miss me after a few days-“

Akaashi was giving him an unbelieving look.

“Bokuto will  _ no doubt _ miss you after a few days! After that, we can- they will- they’ll come crawling back to us!”

“Okay yes! That will work!”

“Come on, we’ll get started right now,” Kuroo walked towards his door as if he was about to leave.

“Wha- where are we going?” Akaashi followed him.

“Nowhere. Just… pretend we are.”

The two boys walked past the others who were heavily immersed in their movie.

Then Kuroo spoke, louder than he normally would. “Yeah Akaashi! Let’s go! This will be  _ so fun!” _

“Oh, yes Kuroo-san. Let’s go right this instant.  _ Just the two of us!” _

“Hey, Kuro?” Kenma spoke up.

“Yes Kenma?!” his face lit up.

“Can you guys be quiet? I can’t hear.”

Kuroo’s smile immediately disappeared. And he made a  _ ‘tsk’ _ sound instead of giving Kenma a proper response.

Akaashi placed one of his hands on Kuroo’s shoulder. 

“Come on, Kuroo-san, we wouldn’t want out food to get cold at the  _ Meat Palace.” _

Bokuto perked up at that.

“You guys are going to the Meat Palace?!” It was one of Bokuto’s favorite restaurants, but they could almost never eat there because it was ridiculously expensive. Whenever they did, it was a treat, so Akaashi knew it would get Bokuto's attention.

“Why, yes, Bokuto-san, would you like to join me-“

_ “Us!” _ Kuroo interjected.

“Right- join us, at your  _ favorite _ restaurant?”

He thought for a moment. 

“No thanks, ‘Kaashi, I’m still watching this movie with Kenma. But bring me back something okay?!” he smiled.

“Er- you! But we-,” Akaashi let out a noise of frustration and dragged Kuroo out of the door.

“Can you believe that?!” Akaashi exclaimed. “He didn’t want to  _ Meat Palace!  _ With  _ me! _ What the fuck!”

“This is ridiculous! They need to be stopped! Let’s just… keep this up, they’re bound to get jealous eventually!”

Akaashi took a few deep breaths, “Right okay, I need to calm down.”

“So… do you have the directions to Meat Palace?”

“Wha- we aren’t going to the fucking Meat Palace, Kuroo-san!”

“But you said-“

“Do I look like I have that kind of money?! Do you?! Because if so, I’ll be more than happy to lead you there!”

_ “Fine.  _ Damn. So what do we do in the meantime? We don’t have anywhere to go.”

Akaashi gave a shrug of his shoulders.

They ended up sitting outside their door for two whole hours, earning odd looks from their neighbors walking up and down the hallway.

* * *

It had been a week and a half since Akaashi and Kuroo started their  _ ‘alliance’  _ as Kuroo called it, and  _ nothing  _ had changed.

Bokuto and Kenma still ran errands together, told each other about their days, and did a  _ wonderful  _ job at ignoring their actual boyfriends.

The allies were growing very impatient and desperate.

Akaashi sat on Kuroo and Kenma’s bed as the older stood and explained their latest plan.

“Trust me, Kaash! This one’ll work!”

“Of course it will, Kuroo-san. You’ve only said that about your last four plans, which were all failures. You know what they say,  _ fifth _ times the charm,” he glared.

“Well if  _ you  _ come up with any award winning ideas, don’t be scared to let me know!”

“Just- say it already!”

“Actually, it’s kind of hard to explain. I’ll just show you when it gets here.”

“When what gets here?” he questioned.

“I just said I’ll show you when it gets here! But I guarantee it will work this time.”

“It better.”

* * *

Akaashi was simply relaxing on his bed, alone, he might add, since Kenma and Bokuto were currently attempting to make different desserts in their kitchen.

Suddenly a 188 cm blob burst into his room carrying what looked like a box.

He sat up and grabbed for his glasses before questioning the man before him.

“Kuroo-san, what is that?”

“My fifth plan!” he said with a long smirk.

He sighed. “Goodness. Just open it.”

He dumped the contents of the box out onto his bed and looked at his ally with a horrified expression.

“What the  _ hell _ is this?”

“It’s great isn’t it!”

Akaashi scanned through all of it. It looked like two outfits. If you could even call them that. There were two bottoms, a skirt and some  _ short  _ shorts, two cropped shirts, one long sleeved, and one with no sleeves, two pairs of thigh high socks with cat ears on the tips, and two pairs of cat headbands.

“What the fuck are we doing with this?”

“Isn’t it obvious? We gotta seduce them!” Akaashi gave him a look that said ‘You’re insane if you think I’m ever wearing this.’

“Kaash, trust me! It will work!”

“How are you so sure?”

“Let’s just say when I was in middle school I read a lot of…  _ things. _ And whenever one of the characters isn’t getting enough attention, they put on some sexy get up and then,  _ boom!, _ all eyes are on them again. This is just what we need okay?”

“Mm.. I don’t know about this, Kuroo-san. And why are they cat themed? Bokuto-san doesn’t even like cats.”

“Just because they aren’t his favorite animal doesn’t mean he doesn’t like them. Everyone likes cats!”

“Not everyone.”

“Name  _ one  _ person that doesn’t.”

“I  _ just said  _ Bokuto-san.”

“You don’t know that Kaa-“

“No, Kuroo-san, he had a cat when he was younger and it bit half of his nail off when he tried to pet it.”

“That-  _ oh,” _ Kuroo tried stifling his laugh. “Welp, I’m sure Bo will be so turned on by you, he won’t have time to think about his childhood traumas!”

“That’s probably the worst thing anyone’s ever said to me,” he said while going to grab for the clothes.

“I try. Oh! By the way Kaash, you have to wear the skirt.”

Akaashi froze. “What! Why do  _ I  _ have to wear it?!”

“Cause I’m way taller than you. If I wear it, it won’t cover shit.”

“Kuroo-san, I’m sure those shorts won’t cover much either.”

“Shut up! It’s my idea, I get to choose what I want to wear!”

“Where did you even get this stuff?” Akaashi inquired as they started to change. They had been in locker rooms with each other at training camps enough to the point where it wasn’t awkward at all.

“I know a guy,” he responded simply.

“Mhm, and how long have you wanted to say that?”

_ “So long. _ I feel so cool now!”

Akaashi rolled his eyes and suppressed a grin. Kuroo wasn’t such horrible company after all.

They finished changing in silence end Akaashi looked at himself in the medium-ish mirror he and Bokuto had in their room.

“I look ridiculous.”

“Yeah kinda. Hey! You didn’t put the ears on!”

“I’m not putting those things on! That’s even more humiliating!”

“Put them on Kaash! The effects of the outfit is useless without the ears!” he yelled as he tried placing them on his head by force.

“Get away from me! I’m not putting those stupid ears on! Kuroo-san, I’m seriou _ -ah!” _ He had fell back onto his bed from trying to push Kuroo away from him.

“It’s just some tiny little ears Akaashi come  _ onnn! _ It won’t hurt!” He was now leaning over Akaashi to put the headband over his head and then-

“Hey ‘Kaashi! Wanna try this cake me and Kenma made?! Wait what’re-“ he trailed off at seeing the position they were both in.

Out of nowhere, Kenma appeared in the room suddenly, grabbing Kuroo by his ear and pulling him off of Akaashi.

_ “Ow! Kenmaaaa!  _ That hurt!”

“You’re about to be in a lot more pain if you don’t get your ass up!”

Bokuto spoke up again, “What are you  _ wearing?” _

Akaashi felt his face flush. “It- it was Kuroo-san’s idea!”

“Yeah, so?!” He turned from sitting on his butt, to on his knees before the blond. “D’you like it Kenma? You aroused yet? More horny than you’ve ever felt in your whole life?”

“You look fucking ridiculous,” he said. But then he pulled him up and dragged him straight to their room. “Come on.”

_ “Yes sir,” _ he allowed himself to be dragged and gave Akaashi a thumbs up as Bokuto was shutting their own door behind Kenma to, no doubt do to Akaashi what Kenma was planning on doing to Kuroo.

* * *

Later that night, Akaashi felt like he couldn’t move so he simply pulled out his phone and sent a message to Kuroo.

To: Kuroo-san:

You should have ideas like this more often.

From: Kuroo-san:

i know right_:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading(^_^)
> 
> i honestly was going to end it with bo and kenma laughing their asses off at kuroo n akaashi but i felt i could let kuroo have at least /one/ win since i did him so dirty in the last fic(*´-`)
> 
> pls let me know if i made/missed any spelling/grammar mistakes too!


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